"If I pay you half that amount, can you complete it in half the time?"
— (via clientsfromhell)
That’s okay, Alex is a good friend for you, he’ll listen to everything that you have to say. That’s all you need right now, just pretty much a close friend, rather than me.
Another time where I remember where he kissed Chi, when he knew that we were dating. That’s cool too.
Honestly, you have no idea how hard it is to see you and act fine. I crumble. I want to curl into a ball sometimes, I hold back tears, somedays I just don’t even put forth in an effort into the rest of my day. I don’t want to believe all the harsh things that you’ve done to me. But what happened, happened. And I’m still left wondering how much you wrecked me.
I think it’s fair for you to understand what you’ve done to me, and why I feel so angry and disappointed with you.
1) Remember back in December? When we facetimed every single night, up until christmas. But once Christmas stopped, you just ran away and got back together with Peter. Can you imagine? I’m sitting at my computer, and he posts a picture of your lunch date together. It broke my heart to know that you just dropped me in a second like that. But do you know what else happened? You called it karma. Revenge for what I did to you. That’s really messed up. What did I do to you? I dated another girl because you pushed me away? I admit it was a incredibly stupid decision, but YOU pushed me away initially.
The thing is, after a week with Peter, you came crying back to me. Despite me being still hurt by it all, I took you in and comforted you. It took a lot of effort to do that, and trust you again, but I gave you a second chance because people do make mistakes.
2) We started dating finally in January. Let me say that it was probably the most happiest week I’ve ever had. With all the pretty words, and you saying that you loved me, with multiple reasons, I truly did believe you. Guess what? A week of dating and you pushed me away, saying that “my depression was too much to handle.” Not surprisingly, the depression wasn’t the problem. It was never a problem, I was mentally fine the entire time. You made me feel guilty, you tried to “make me get angry at you so that I could get over you.” You described me as someone who leeches off other people’s happiness. That was messed up and went too far.
3) Then you apologize, saying stuff like how you’re not over Peter yet but you would like to keep me around and hopefully date in the future. You said that you really wanted to date me in the future. I accepted your apology, and I gave you a 3rd chance. Today, you’re still in contact with him. You’ve locked me out of your life completely. You took back everything that you said to me, everything about how you loved me, about how you’d always be there for me as someone close, about how you’re with “the best guy in the entire world.” You always push me away one week, and then come back to me another week. It’s always back and forth, but now I had to figure out how you really felt about me.
Guess what? You felt nothing. And to this day, you don’t even have a clue of what you did to me. Ultimately, it’s your loss at the end of the day.
Thanks for the depression relapse. It was such a good year, too.
I read our old texts. Wow. You really lead me on, made me believe you actually loved me. And somehow, I’m stupid enough to think that some point you did like me. Go read them yourself, you said so many pretty words, you took my trust, and then look at now. Nothing. Crazy how you took back everything that you said. Oh well. This isn’t the first time it’s happened to me. I just thought it’d be different, I thought you were different. You proved it all wrong, I trusted you so many times, only to be stabbed in the heart over and over again. I’m easily used, and I guess you saw that.
Now I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.
"One thing I think women don’t realize, is that men get WAY more than sexual satisfaction out of a relationship. We all stereotype men as being “all about sex” without realizing that sex is the primary way a man feels emotionally close to his partner.
Women get emotional fulfillment from their friends, etc. Men usually ONLY get that kind of close, emotional bond with an SO. It’s the ONLY source of that we have. For many men, our SO is the only person we can show our weaknesses to, the only person we can let inside our guard, inside our armor.
That’s why we are so desperate at times for female companionship. Imagine if an important vitamin only came in one type of fruit, and couldn’t be made synthetically. You would do just about anything to get that one kind of fruit, because it’s your ONLY SOURCE.
It’s interesting, men like to tell ourselves that we are not emotional about sex, which seems to be true, since we seem to be far more willing to have it. But this overlooks a crucial factor.
We are more eager to have sex because our emotional reasons for wanting it are far STRONGER than for women, not weaker.
Of course, hormones factor in a bunch too, I’m just saying that I think, at least for a good portion of men, the emotional side of it (even if they don’t realize it), serves a larger role.
So, to answer your question. We try again, and again, and again, and again, and AGAIN; because the only alternative is accepting that you won’t get something you desperately need."
Rest in peace, Jun Seba. You will be missed.
(February 26th, 2010)
I think the worst kind of sadness is the kind of sadness you feel and yet you can’t do anything about. You know when you feel horrible when your friend is sad, and you spend hours and hours thinking, but ultimately you can’t help them or cheer them up. And they don’t even want to tell you what’s going on so that you can help them. And you just feel like the greatest failure. That’s the worst kind of sadness.